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cloughie
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« Reply #495 on: November 21, 2011, 09:06:12 AM » |
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I don't understand the point of this Stephen Lawrence trial. Surley the whole thing can be settled with a handshake?
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LiveFight
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« Reply #495 on: November 21, 2011, 09:06:12 AM » |
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Paddsta
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« Reply #496 on: November 25, 2011, 09:41:31 AM » |
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Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman Said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there.
We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good." The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,"What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog"
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?" The woman with the Chihuahua said,
"A Chihuahua? They gave me a f.........g Chihuahua ?!"
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
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Paddsta
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« Reply #497 on: November 25, 2011, 09:44:46 AM » |
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Ngogo Mwambi has to travel 5 miles every day for fresh water, 7 miles every day for food & 10 miles every day for medicine for him & his family. This is because the daft bastard and all his mates torched the Peckham Spa, Tottenham KFC and Hackney Medical Centre and now he has to walk to Croydon for his breakfast.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
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RAZZ-MCFC
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« Reply #498 on: November 26, 2011, 09:22:44 PM » |
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A bloke I work with told me he was going to end his life. He was going to pour a gallon of petrol over himself and light a match.
I told him "Ahmed, it's times like these that you need your family round you"
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Aaron
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« Reply #499 on: November 27, 2011, 03:11:28 PM » |
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I think God misunderstood when Amy Winehouse asked for Speed.
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Hatton Fan
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« Reply #500 on: November 27, 2011, 04:03:28 PM » |
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I think God misunderstood when Amy Winehouse asked for Speed.
too soon  but you started it How do you know when you've crossed the border into Wales? Speed is limited to 42. |
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Paddsta
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« Reply #501 on: November 29, 2011, 08:29:49 AM » |
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Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.
"Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.
"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said Paddy.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
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HurricaneHig
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« Reply #502 on: November 29, 2011, 09:27:32 PM » |
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I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
I was like, 0mg!
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Adversity and the 'big occasion' doesn't change a fighter - it only reveals them.
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Paddsta
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« Reply #503 on: November 30, 2011, 07:51:59 AM » |
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I was standing in a bar in Barcelona and this little Chinese guy comes in and stands next to me.
I said to him ... "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says ... "No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinee? "
No, I say, " It's because you're drinking my beer .......... you little oriental prick."
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
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Bristol
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« Reply #504 on: November 30, 2011, 10:09:40 AM » |
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I was standing in a bar in Barcelona and this little Chinese guy comes in and stands next to me.
I said to him ... "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says ... "No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinee? "
No, I say, " It's because you're drinking my beer .......... you little oriental prick."
Brilliant. |
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jim1973
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« Reply #505 on: November 30, 2011, 01:43:45 PM » |
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I blew all the family's Christmas money down the dogs last night, and I feel terrible...........must of caught a cold or something.
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presa
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« Reply #506 on: November 30, 2011, 02:07:39 PM » |
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I was standing in a bar in Barcelona and this little Chinese guy comes in and stands next to me.
I said to him ... "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says ... "No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinee? "
No, I say, " It's because you're drinking my beer .......... you little oriental prick."
haha class. |
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'contendunt ad optimum'
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Flo
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« Reply #507 on: December 03, 2011, 09:09:32 PM » |
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I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
I was like, 0mg!
hehhe! Gonna nick that. |
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HurricaneHig
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« Reply #508 on: December 11, 2011, 09:43:21 PM » |
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What's the difference a kangaroo and a kangeroot??
One is an Australian marsupial and the other is a Geordie stuck in a lift.!!!
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Adversity and the 'big occasion' doesn't change a fighter - it only reveals them.
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Aaron
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« Reply #509 on: December 11, 2011, 11:30:55 PM » |
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What's the difference a kangaroo and a kangeroot??
One is an Australian marsupial and the other is a Geordie stuck in a lift.!!!
Nearly fell over laughing at that  |
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