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Brick Top
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« Reply #540 on: January 21, 2012, 05:30:01 PM » |
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Because I was known to have a way with the ladies my mates all nicknamed me ''Mr Lover Lover'' until one night I shagged a Downs Syndrome bird up the arse. Now I'm "Mr Bum Spastic."
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LiveFight
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« Reply #540 on: January 21, 2012, 05:30:01 PM » |
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shivasouth
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« Reply #541 on: January 24, 2012, 12:04:07 PM » |
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Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance and my kindness for weakness.
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HurricaneHig
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« Reply #542 on: February 01, 2012, 07:19:18 PM » |
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Today is the 1.2.12 - a day of celebration for microphone testers everywhere!
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Adversity and the 'big occasion' doesn't change a fighter - it only reveals them.
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CelticHiggo
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« Reply #543 on: February 02, 2012, 06:01:03 PM » |
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Congrats to John Terry on winning "worst captain of the year award"in Geneva after narrowly beating the captain of the Concordia cruise ship.
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"Never argue with an idiot.They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience".
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RAZZ-MCFC
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« Reply #544 on: February 02, 2012, 06:18:25 PM » |
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John Terry won't be facing trial for racial abuse until after Euro 2012.
So he's free to lead his country into Poland.
Just like his hero did.
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Bonters
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« Reply #545 on: February 06, 2012, 11:52:09 AM » |
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The only cow in a small town in Scotland stopped giving
milk.
The town folk found they could buy a cow in Wales quite
cheaply.
They brought the cow from Wales and it was wonderful,
produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so
They'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever
the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move
away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed..
The people were very upset and decided to go the Vet, who
was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his
advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward, they said
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
If he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the
other side."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this
before asking,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wales ?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned
that they had brought the cow over from Wales .
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow from Wales ?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,
"My wife is from Wales "
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Mustard Dave
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« Reply #546 on: February 06, 2012, 04:15:12 PM » |
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Italians:Fabrizio  Rossi  Biaggi  Schettino 
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Paddsta
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« Reply #547 on: February 07, 2012, 09:35:07 AM » |
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
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Bonters
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« Reply #548 on: February 10, 2012, 02:18:07 PM » |
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I got some Viagra off the internet but I wasn't sure how it works, or even if it would work. So I tested it out on the dog first. Poor old Max, he looks like his arse still hurts!
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Bonters
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« Reply #549 on: February 12, 2012, 03:14:22 PM » |
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Heard about the latest Whitney Houston film? The Bodybag.
Bobby Brown has also been found dead after a suspected suicide. The note he left said 'Two can play at that game'.
Well fook me, Houston certainly does have a problem now!
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« Last Edit: February 12, 2012, 03:18:09 PM by Bonters »
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Paddsta
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« Reply #550 on: February 14, 2012, 09:03:37 AM » |
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Breaking News : Gazza has just turned up at ibrox with a 6 pack, some chicken and a fishing rod to sort things out
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
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jimjack
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« Reply #551 on: February 14, 2012, 09:10:12 AM » |
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Breaking News : Gazza has just turned up at ibrox with a 6 pack, some chicken and a fishing rod to sort things out
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Mustard Dave
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« Reply #552 on: February 14, 2012, 10:44:38 AM » |
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What's the difference between a diva and a diver?
Only one of them can breathe underwater!
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« Last Edit: February 14, 2012, 10:46:17 AM by Mustard Dave »
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Floydman
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« Reply #553 on: February 22, 2012, 05:13:15 PM » |
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A man goes to the doctors.
The doc checks him over and says “sorry mate, but you have yellow 24, a nasty virus, so called as it turns your blood yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. There’s nothing I can do for you – just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.”
He trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to accompany her to the bingo that evening so he can experience her idea of a night out as he’d never been there before.
He gets his first card and wins 4 corners – prize £50, and then gets any line and wins £200. He also calls for a full house and wins a grand.
The national game comes up and he wins a further £80,000.
The bingo caller gets him on stage and says, “son – I’ve never seen you in here in all my life, but you won 4 corners, any line, a full house and the national grid – I’ve never met anyone so lucky”
“Lucky??” he screamed “lucky? I’ll have you know I’ve got yellow 24”
“F*ck me” says the bingo caller “You’ve won the raffle as well”
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Mustard Dave
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« Reply #554 on: February 27, 2012, 07:51:11 PM » |
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GOAL! Arsenal 6-2 Tottenham ( 90 +23 Hours )
Charlie Adam with a lovely finish from 12 miles away.
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